


Deserving Better

by clizzyx (Tori_Scribbles)



Series: Forgiveness [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec gets the recognition he deserves, Family Issues, Lightwood's A+ Parenting, Missing Scene, Post: 02x08, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 21:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10227956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tori_Scribbles/pseuds/clizzyx
Summary: He wanted to tell her it was okay. That he forgave her. That he understood why she did what she did. That he loved her and it was all okay.But he couldn’t.Because he didn’t feel like that.If there was anything that Alec was certain about, it was that he had spent too long hiding the way he feels..The Lightwoods start talking about their emotions like actual functional people.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Maryse apologised to Jace but not to Alec and that pissed me off.  
> Also, sorry for the bad title; I'm terrible at titles.

Alec pulled open his door tiredly, hesitating for a moment at the sight of his mother.

“Mom,” he said, uncertainty clear in his voice. “I thought you had left already.”

“I was just about to, Max is still with Jace. They need the time together and I – I wanted to talk to you before I go. Can I—” she gestured to his room and Alec stepped back, lingering in the doorway slightly as Maryse sat on the edge of his bed. “Come sit with me?”

Alec sat slightly stiffly next to her, after their conversation about Robert the day before, Maryse had seemed to allow herself only that moment of weakness before going straight back to her usual closed off self. But now, here she sat with a softness in her expression that Alec hadn’t seen directed at him in years.

“Is everything okay?” He asked when she didn’t immediately say anything.

“I owe you an apology,” she said carefully. Alec’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he opened his mouth to question her but she went on. “I have been out of line. With Jace, with Isabelle, with you. I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your relationship with Magnus, I didn’t take how you felt into consideration. I was ignorant and I was wrong.”

Alec’s eyes widened slightly. _Never_ had he heard his mother admit she was wrong and never had she apologised to _him._

“Seeing you with Magnus, I realised how happy you were, and how unhappy you _had_ been. I didn’t realise. I wasn’t around enough to notice, and then seeing you on that ledge…” She took a deep breath, glancing away as she blinked rapidly. “It made me realise how bad of a parent I had really been to you all.”

“Mom you weren’t a bad—”

“I was Alec. You grew up thinking that there was something wrong with yourself, you nearly _married_ someone you barely knew because you thought it was what your father and I wanted. Isabelle, she acts so confidently, but she’s terrified of making mistakes, not because of the consequences, but because she doesn’t want to disappoint us. Jace… We took Jace in, we promised him that he was safe here, that we would love him no matter what and that he was just as much our son as you were. Then – then I was so foolish. Once again I let Valentine manipulate me and once again it nearly ruined all of our lives. Then Max, Max was out of line, with Jace, with Magnus and I let him do it. That should never have happened.” She shook her head slightly. 

“What is important is that I was wrong and I am sorry. If Magnus would be willing to see me again, I owe him an apology too, what I said to him, the way I treated him, it wasn’t okay. I can see now how important he is to you. I can see how much he cares about you.” She reached out, brushing a tear from Alec’s cheek. “I am so proud of you. The way you take care of Isabelle and Jace and Max, the way you stepped up when you shouldn’t have had to. I am so proud that you’ve found someone who makes you happy and I love you. I will always love you, no matter who you’re dating. I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel differently. You all deserved so much better than your father and I." 

Alec turned his head away, taking a moment to take a deep breath.

He wanted to tell her it was okay. That he forgave her. That he understood why she did what she did. That he loved her and it was all okay.

But he couldn’t.

Because he didn’t feel like that.

If there was anything that Alec was certain about, it was that he had spent too long hiding the way he feels.

He looked back over at her.

“I – I can’t—”

Maryse gave a watery smile and nodded slightly. “I know,” she said. “It’s okay. You don’t have to forgive me, you have every right to hate me. That’s okay. I know have to earn your trust back. Not just you; all of you. I know I don’t deserve it, but I just want another chance, only if that’s what you want.”

It took Alec a second to comprehend what she was saying, that this was _his_ choice and his choice _alone_ and that she was okay with whatever he chose.

He nodded slightly. “I want to try.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. :)  
> I might make a series out of the Lightwoods actually dealing with their feelings, if anyone would be interested? It would be kinda like this, just missing scenes with actual communication. Lemme know.  
> Find me on [tumblr.](http://clizzyx.tumblr.com/%20)


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